when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
