screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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