I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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