my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
