Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
