I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
