Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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