Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
