And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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