He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
