you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and she was petting her beer can
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
