So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
