Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
