i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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