I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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