its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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