I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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