Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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