friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
