a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
