I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
