I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize