Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
