I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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