y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish I only lived at night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
