I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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