So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
