Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dont even know how to be here
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
