I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
