Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
