The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
