i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
