remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
