He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
