Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
