i need an iv and a liver transplant
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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