Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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