I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
