All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
