i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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