some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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