I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize