Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
