That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
