its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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