I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
