I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
