its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MIDGETS
????
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
