6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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