TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
