people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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