is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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