Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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