and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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