i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
