im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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