on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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