If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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