i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize