When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
