sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
