You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize