Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
