Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
