You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
