I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
