Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
