Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
