i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
