It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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