I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
