guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
