Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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