the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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